Dream

I had a dream in which I died.

I don't know what to make of it. Part of me was in shock when I awoke..the other part of me had already accepted it. So now I know what it feels like to die twice in one lifetime, which is more than most people can claim.

It (the dream) got me thinking. If I did die, nobody would know.. at least, not for a few days.
My house-mates would assume I was out. My family would not know for days. In fact, that is what makes me sad. That they would be the last to know.

It reminds me of my mission in life..I am marked beyond my power and understanding in order to save those who need saving. I do not claim to be a savior, or a martyr, but I have made a difference and will continue to do so.

Loneliness. One can be surrounded by people and yet still be alone. I have felt this many days in a row. I blame myself. So do they..but really, we are not alone when we learn to reach out.

I am guilty. Guilty of pushing away those who get close. I fear, and always will. So do they. But the first steps are always scary, and we ought not to be afraid.

A wise book once told me that there is no place in the world for those who are nice. We are selfish creatures. We do not always need, but will take freely what is given away.

I am nice. I have been nice. I am tired of being nice. So are they. We should learn from this that what we are, we are. It is hard to change a heart, and one goes through pain and suffering to surfeit what is actually a gift.

We are forgiven for being nice..forgiven for being cruel, because we do not know otherwise. We ought to forgive them for not knowing the sadness within, for they do not understand and do not see. Do not forget this.

Do not forget..and when you learn this, teach me how to remember, too.