Veins

I ran back to the circle after switching off the lights, scared of the dark, but excited.

Something was going to happen. I was pleased, I remember. For being asked to turn off the lights. I love that hush, when the lights go out, and the rise in sound and chatter when everyone realises everything will be okay.

Everything was okay. The spotlights came on, and they were harsh as I lowered myself into my little space, my gap in the circle. Watching my shadow lengthen and darken those directly across. I wished I was that tall.

I stretched languorously, letting my toes push down into the squirmy carpet as I flumped down. I love that feeling; wriggling your toes in scratchy carpet. My socks had coe down in the foray of the dark so I pulled them up, one by one. Sat, huddled, with my knees tucked into my chest and staring around the circle.

It was so bright, I thought, as I stared straight up into one of the halogen spotlights. My eyes hurt so I shut them and all I saw was red. I turned my face away and tried to look across the circle. Seeing spots for faces for a long moment. They were all wincing at the light that shone right at them. Their eyes were smaller than usual.

I looked down at the carpet, at my shadow. It had shrunk...slithered halfway across the circle and stopped. I listened to the tinny sound of the voices around me. This room did funny things to your hearing...it was all muffled.

He had been lying on his stomach, beside me. I stared down as his hand moved. It was so white...so white and pale against the deep purple carpet. I saw his wrist...I stared for a very long time, fascinated.

His veins stretched across the back of his hand in large fan shape...I'd never seen that before. So prominent. So starkly beautifully scary. The veins of a boy. The veins of a young boy who knew too much about drugs. The veins of a boy who'd had too much and lost too much weight.

I was fascinated. I wanted to reach out and strum my fingers lightly across them. Like a guitar. They stemmed from his lithe wrist like the roots of a plant and I wanted to grasp his wrist and gently stroke up each vein. Trying to feel where each needle had pricked before.

The lights went down.