Grief

Pain is the most individualised thing on earth. It is true that it is the great common bond as well, but that realisation only comes when it is over. To suffer is to be alone. To watch another suffer is to know the barrier that shuts each of us away by himself. Only individuals can suffer. - Edith Hamilton

Grief found me, late last night. Until now, it has only been the odd squall born of a peaceful moment. A sudden tightening of the chest. Sometimes, I dream that I'm thrown against rocks in a tide I can't fight against and so wake up gasping for air. Other times, I wake up and taste the sea I dream of run down my cheeks. Last night, in the dark that was my own, grief found me for a long time.

In that dark, I thought of those I could turn to. The sleeping bodies of my family lay around me, and thoughts of friends filled my head, though none seemed right. This grief is my own, and mine alone to suffer through. Where once a piece of my heart was taken, another piece sat that has now been taken away. I contemplated at length as to what to fill the hole with. Some find solace in god, others in the strength of their family or friends. To fill it with love would only serve to desecrate memories, and to fill it with further pain, unthinkable.

I have spent much time avoiding myself, avoiding silence and avoiding the peace. I surround myself with friends, family and love to forget the pain. In turn, I forgot for a time that a broken heart's balm is acceptance, and this balm seems to be made when grief has run its course.

It is time, and only time will see me through.